We’re all just living in The Matrix.
You’re Not Pretending. You’re Performing.
I work with really smart CEOs and senior leaders who are exceptional at what they do, yet many of them carry a quiet fear that they’re somehow faking it. They worry that the gravitas they project in the boardroom, the authority they wield in high-stakes conversations, the confidence they embody when making million-dollar decisions it’s all just performance. And because it feels performed, they worry it isn’t real.
Here’s what I tell them: You're right. It is a performance. And that's exactly why it works.
Think about Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. When you watch him as Neo on screen, you’re not seeing some other person. You’re seeing Keanu…his voice, his physicality, his presence. But you’re also seeing the character of Neo, fully realized. The character feels real because Keanu brings his own authenticity to the role. He’s not pretending to be Neo, he’s channeling himself through Neo, and that’s what makes it believable.
Keanu Reeves playing “Neo” in The Matrix (1999)
This is the thing I wish more leaders understood: the role you’re playing doesn't erase who you are. It reveals a version of you that the moment requires.
We use the language of performance all the time in corporate life, even if we don’t realize it. We talk about someone “stepping into” a role. We say they’re “wearing the CEO hat” or “playing the part” of the leader. The metaphor is already there, baked into how we describe leadership transitions. And yet, when leaders feel themselves performing, they interpret it as inauthenticity. They think: “If I have to try this hard, maybe I'm not cut out for this.”
But here’s where the analogy gets interesting. When a director casts an actor, they’re not hiring them because they believe the actor is that character. They’re hiring them because they believe the actor can perform the role of that character. No one thought Keanu Reeves was actually a hacker messiah living in a simulated reality (although some subsequently believed that perhaps some of us actually are). He was cast because he could embody that character in a way that felt real.
The same is true when a board hires a CEO, or when a founder steps into the role. No one expects you to be the CEO—as in, to have “CEO” as your fixed, immutable identity. The expectation is that you can perform the role, and can show up with the presence, judgment, communication and authority the role demands. That’s it. That’s the whole job.
And here’s the enlightening paradox: the more you are able to detach from the idea that “CEO” is who you are, the more powerful you become in the role of “CEO”.
Because when you stop trying to be the CEO and start performing as CEO, you give yourself permission to access a much wider range. You’re no longer trapped by the anxiety of whether you're “CEO enough.” You're free to ask: what does this scene require? What does this moment need from me? And then you step into it, fully, without the weight of your identity holding you back. That's not a loss of self. It's a liberation.
Here’s the truth: acting is not pretending. It is the intentional channeling of your real self into a role that serves a purpose larger than your comfort zone.
The best actors don’t disappear into a character. They bring their own texture, their own truth, their own emotional accessand they let the role shape how that truth is expressed. The same applies to leadership. The best leaders don’t fake confidence or authority. They find the version of themselves that can hold the room, make the hard call, absorb the pressureand they step into that version consciously.
When I work with a new client, one of the first things we talk about is signal. What does this role need to communicate? What does the company, the board, the market need to feel from you? And then: how do you do that in a way that feels true to who you are?
Because the alternativetrying to “just be yourself”rarely works. Your unfiltered, unedited self might be brilliant in small rooms with people you trust. But in a crisis? In front of investors? On stage at an all-hands? That version of you might not have the range the moment requires.
The work isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about expanding your range so that more of you becomes available to the role.
The leader who learns to do this well understands something fundamental: leadership is not about who you are in private. It’s about who you can become in public, under pressure, in service of something bigger than your own comfort.
That’s where I find the acting analogy becomes really useful. Most actors know that the role doesn’t define them. Keanu Reeves didn’t “become” Neo and stay that way. He played the part, brought his truth to it, and then he moved on. The role was real while he was in it, and when he stepped offstage, he was still Keanu. (Sometimes Sad Keanu.)
The same is true for everyone in a role. Being the CEO doesn't mean you are only a CEO. It does mean however that when the moment requires it, you can step into that role fully, bring your whole self to it, and then step back out when the scene is over.
What I see most often in the leaders I work with is this: they’ve been told their entire careers to “be authentic,” and they’ve interpreted that to mean they should never have to stretch, never have to perform, never have to feel like they’re putting on a persona. But authenticity isn’t about staying small or comfortable, rather it’s about being truthful within the role you’re playing.
In my experience, that’s what separates the leaders who grow into their roles from the ones who shrink under the weight of them.
So if you’re a CEO who sometimes feels like you’re performing, then good, because you should be. The more interesting question then is: are you performing a role that’s true to who you are, or are you only performing the role you think you’re supposed to play?
When you get that right,when you’re able to bring your own voice and your own truth into the role,that’s when people truly believe and trust you. That’s when you finally stop feeling like an impostor and start feeling like the only person who could play this part.
Keanu Reeves playing “Neo” in The Matrix (1999)
